You Don't Have to Ruin It


     For some of us, dating someone new can be just as unnerving as it is exciting. Things going too well can seem like a red flag if we've experienced rejection and abandonment over and over as children, in our previous romantic relationships and more often than not, both.

     When our relationships have been based on co-dependency and infatuation, the wonderful flow of things actually being healthy may not seem like "enough" or even real, and it is then easy for us to get in our own way.  We begin to project our fears onto our counterparts though disconcerting emotional outbursts or writing them off to avert the abandonment we're so afraid of because they're not showing up for us the way we feel they should. Of course, not considering that we don't all use the same love language. When these patterns of self-sabotage are not broken, we only create the exact experience we seek to avoid.

     Even when we feel we've finally learned self-love and conquered victim-consciousness, we get tested again. All these feelings we thought we had already worked through re-emerge, not because we haven't been doing the work but to see if we really are capable of choosing differently this time around. For us to have it, we have to really master the lesson.

When these patterns of self-sabotage are not broken, we only create the exact experience we seek to avoid.

     In these moments, we have to check the fuck in and really nurture ourselves because though it's okay to ask for support from our partners, this is really only on us. Taking a step back to breathe and honor our feelings as they arise without judging them as "wrong" helps us not project them onto others and prepares us to act out of our higher, loving selves. Anyone who's being compassionate with us through this adjustment deserves it anyway.

     It's a tough job and one we'll constantly have to show up for if we really want to live out a loving new normal. this is the part of self-awareness that's daunting - confronting ourself head-on. However, instead of getting discouraged, lets understand that this is also the way out. The more we practice choosing differently, the easier and quicker we go from constricting ourselves to expanding our hearts. I hope this serves you.


In love and light,