When our ego is at play it’s because we’re seeing ourselves as separate from the oneness of all things. In truth, we are all connected. Our souls know this and long for us to live out that wholeness but our fears have made us believe we’re not quite like the others or better yet, enough.
This starts to happen at a very young age when, for whatever reason, we begin to seek external validation. It could be that as children we asked a caretaker to play with us and they said, “Not right now, I’m busy,” and suddenly we felt we had to do something to earn their attention. Or someone told us it was wrong to feel however we were feeling so we stopped trusting our reality. There’s an infinite amount of childhood scenarios that become catalysts to our adult fears but the thought process is the same - our being itself wasn’t enough so we felt unworthy and the need to identify with something outside ourselves in order to win that person’s love. We, then, began to associate with these things because that’s what we were recognized for instead of for who we are. This is actually how attachment is created and it gets carried well into adulthood.
The problem with identifying with anything external is that it is binding, so our happiness will always be dependent upon our experience. Relationships are where all our wounds come up to be healed so if attachment is an issue for us, someone rejecting the thing we’ve identified with will feel as if our identity itself has been threatened and that again, we are not enough.
Not healing these wounds will lead us to actions like suppressing our emotions, being controlling and/or expecting people to behave according to the roles we’ve assigned them but they haven’t agreed to and so clearly, we continuously set ourselves up for failure under these dynamics.
Now that we understand our fucked patterns, how do we shift our mental to heal from them? Becoming more authentic is a process of peeling layers of fears until we’re at our core, which is love. We can begin to practice non-attachment by releasing identifications and becoming in tune with who we are. Nothing we’ve have attached ourselves to or has been attached to us is who we are. Remember Tyler Durden’s popular line from Fight Club?
He’s right. We are not our job titles, our roles in life, or even our gender but souls rooted in love and oneness that are here to go through experiences in order to peel those layers and reveal our highest selves.
We can then start to use our intuitive guidance to honor our needs. The more we depend on that instead of settling for impulsive, emotional reactions, the more we’ll feel fulfilled and that we can trust and rely on on ourselves. Healing that separation is what will make us feel part of the whole again, not separate from it, and thus, secure. Please know that you are safe. You are not inadequate, you are wounded and healing’s available to you right now. I know this will serve you.
In love and light,